Test

Test post on my iPhone. Just seeing how practical this is. It could be better, then again, it could be a lot worse

None for now

Okay,

so I haven't been feeling well of late...like stomach problems and headaches and bs like that. it's sucked.

Moving on. I got an iPhone 3Gs on Friday night, and have been playing with it ever since. It's great for music and my internet radio stations, but I have a few complaints:

-despite the spiffy new ARM processor with a jump in power and about 4 times as much RAM, the phone can only run one application at a time...I want to be able to listen to last.fm/Slacker/whatever and be able to read Talking Points Memo or Political wire or browse Facebook at the same time...is that too much to ask?

-Not a huge fan of the speakerphone on it, it's weak and i can barely hear the thing on calls...that's simply not cool man.

-Navigations still annoying, i keep getting select and copy/paste options. something i need to adjust to, not the biggest pitfall...my first bulletpoint is a killer.

So those are my impressions of the iPhone thus far...I am yet to use it to blog on here as I am slightly frightened of the results, but I guess the thing could be a lot worse, safari for iPhone kicks the blackberry's ass, though a mobile Camino would be great.

I need to get back to reading and such...just been REALLY lazy of late. ah well.

More yardwork in the morning I guess, if the weather holds. yeah...we'll have to see what happens.

whackiness

So, I turned 21 yesterday. I'm so enthralled. Well, not really.

Yes, according to the US government, I'm officially an adult, though I gained most of my adult responsibilities 3 years ago when I secured the right to vote, the ability to drive with no junior status on my drivers license, co-sign for just about anything, be able to be listed as an emergency contact, adopt a child....yesterday I gained the legal ability to drink...though I've found ways to do so prior to turning 21...my thoughts on the US drinking age are pretty simple: it's ridiculous. i'd elaborate more, but really, if the age was lowered, there's likely be LESS underage drinking, and possibly, though I doubt it, less drunk driving...again, I can't provide stats that would make this lofty claims valid, and people would immediately argue with carefully crafted and ridiculous counterclaims.

Anyway, I digress. So I'm officially able to do...well, just about anything.

Every year people ask me the day of or the day after "how's it feel to be..." and I can only ever answer "feels pretty much the same". I can never understand the question...i have no idea how it feels to have all these awesome responsibilities...I've yet to sign for a loan for anything...well not entirely true, but not my own loan for say a house or a car...i'm pretty lucky in that regard. But still, I just can't say 21 feels all that different from 20...it's not like I woke up today suddenly eased from my problems...and now all i have is a terrible way to forget them: drink 'em into oblivion. not likely to happen. so honestly, nothing feels different.

I'm still a mess...and I still feel like there's a void in my life that I can't put a finger on. and i still somewhat don't feel like i'm an adult...but I have several reasons for that that I'm not going to post.

I don't know...it's just crazy right now internally...

This is where I am

So this is how pathetic I've become:

Its past 3am, blogger's down for maintenance and I'm sitting on the floor in my room writing on my Blackberry, one of my last days with it.

I feel like such a waste sometimes, especially right now. I can't get past myself, still hung up on her like some sort of, you know I can't describe it properly anymore, I just can't. Friend of mine is spending a lot of time with her saying she's getting better about certain things...I can't fully believe him. That's kind of sad.

Wrote a note to her, probably going to hand write the damned thing. Doubt it will do anything.

Hosestly, I don't know what to think anymore, what to do, how to re-find myself....I'm mired in this depression and unsure how to find my way out of it.

20 was not a good year to me. I can tell you that much right now. And it all started out so promising. That's the worst part. I wish I knew what to do with myself, how to go forward and just move on from the girl that so far I love more than anything else in my life...how sad am I?

I'm not who I am, I'm not sure what I am anymore. Since thihole mess started some of my passion for things have vanished, like blogging politics, contemplating it, crafting arguments. Instead, here I am, a shell of a man, of a boy even, with no idea what's forward and what's not. It's sad really.

Lost

I'm feeling lost lately. This summer is not going as planned. I've struck out at getting a political job and being in New York for two months probably knocks me out of getting steady retail employ. so yeah, I have no job. It royally sucks.

The no job means no money and no ability to really go out to clubs or anything like that, also kind of a bummer. then again the loud music, the cramped space...it's sortta enjoyable, but really, gets old after a little while. Really though, i should just head out somewhere and just sit and write or read or something, but yeah...i'm lazy.

So my complacency also leads to my other problem the depression/sleeplessness. I'm not going into the story of the depression, it involves a girl I still care about deeply and my friends should whack me in the head for still thinking of her as I do. I am in love with her, she'd reject that notion, and I can't really move on for some sad ridiculous reason. But she's all i think about right now when I'm not reading. she always comes to mind, I thought I got past that. everyone's gone through what I'm going through so I think it's not that big a deal...except, I miss her greatly, regret the things I did that led to this, and hope some day she'll forgive me.

So honestly, I'm lost right now...I need to be developing politically, but I can't...some steady money would be nice, but it's not coming any time soon, so I'm sort of stuck in my hole...i need to go out and meet new people, maybe a new woman....but she's always going to be there.

Maybe I'm just arguing against myself because I feel compelled to or something, honestly, I don't know. What I know is I feel lost right now, unsure where I am, where I'm going and what to expect when I get there.

hmm?

Anyone who stumbles on this blog,

Do you use Jaiku? it's almost like Twitter, but Google owns it, and it's kinda crappy, it has no search functions that I know of and is simply just your posts....I need to fumble with it more...but it seems kinda lame at first impression....

I seem to enjoy Twitter a lot more...

just a random post

yeah, nothing

so today my family went to bear mountain and yeah, what great fun that was (NOT). the hike was decent, though my dad not doing well and my sister quitting with a migraine, it made for noty good hiking.

anyways, tomorrow is memorial day...and as per usual, i have nothing to do. so yeah

I'm just writing to write because I have nothing else to do right now. i'm a sad lonely individual that way.

alright, later