Its past 3am, blogger's down for maintenance and I'm sitting on the floor in my room writing on my Blackberry, one of my last days with it.
I feel like such a waste sometimes, especially right now. I can't get past myself, still hung up on her like some sort of, you know I can't describe it properly anymore, I just can't. Friend of mine is spending a lot of time with her saying she's getting better about certain things...I can't fully believe him. That's kind of sad.
Wrote a note to her, probably going to hand write the damned thing. Doubt it will do anything.
Hosestly, I don't know what to think anymore, what to do, how to re-find myself....I'm mired in this depression and unsure how to find my way out of it.
20 was not a good year to me. I can tell you that much right now. And it all started out so promising. That's the worst part. I wish I knew what to do with myself, how to go forward and just move on from the girl that so far I love more than anything else in my life...how sad am I?
I'm not who I am, I'm not sure what I am anymore. Since thihole mess started some of my passion for things have vanished, like blogging politics, contemplating it, crafting arguments. Instead, here I am, a shell of a man, of a boy even, with no idea what's forward and what's not. It's sad really.
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