whackiness

So, I turned 21 yesterday. I'm so enthralled. Well, not really.

Yes, according to the US government, I'm officially an adult, though I gained most of my adult responsibilities 3 years ago when I secured the right to vote, the ability to drive with no junior status on my drivers license, co-sign for just about anything, be able to be listed as an emergency contact, adopt a child....yesterday I gained the legal ability to drink...though I've found ways to do so prior to turning 21...my thoughts on the US drinking age are pretty simple: it's ridiculous. i'd elaborate more, but really, if the age was lowered, there's likely be LESS underage drinking, and possibly, though I doubt it, less drunk driving...again, I can't provide stats that would make this lofty claims valid, and people would immediately argue with carefully crafted and ridiculous counterclaims.

Anyway, I digress. So I'm officially able to do...well, just about anything.

Every year people ask me the day of or the day after "how's it feel to be..." and I can only ever answer "feels pretty much the same". I can never understand the question...i have no idea how it feels to have all these awesome responsibilities...I've yet to sign for a loan for anything...well not entirely true, but not my own loan for say a house or a car...i'm pretty lucky in that regard. But still, I just can't say 21 feels all that different from 20...it's not like I woke up today suddenly eased from my problems...and now all i have is a terrible way to forget them: drink 'em into oblivion. not likely to happen. so honestly, nothing feels different.

I'm still a mess...and I still feel like there's a void in my life that I can't put a finger on. and i still somewhat don't feel like i'm an adult...but I have several reasons for that that I'm not going to post.

I don't know...it's just crazy right now internally...